You canceled your dentist appointment—again.

Skipped lunch—again.

Checked your phone during your kid’s bedtime story—again.

And every time, you tell yourself it’s temporary. That once you prove yourself, once you make partner, once things “slow down,” you’ll finally have the balance you’ve been waiting for.

But deep down, you know the truth: Private practice doesn’t slow down.

Unless you take control of your career, the sacrifices will just keep stacking up.

The Culture of Sacrifice in Private Practice

Women attorneys are often conditioned to believe that success means being constantly available.

• Responding to emails at 11 p.m.
• Taking calls while walking into daycare pickup.
• Saying, “I’ll catch up on sleep this weekend,” knowing you won’t.
• You see it as proof of dedication. But in reality? It’s a fast track to burnout.

What actually happens when you make yourself “indispensable”?

🚩 You burn out. Your health declines, and your motivation plummets.
🚩 Your relationships suffer. The people who matter most feel like an afterthought.
🚩 You become resentful. At your firm. At your career. Even at yourself.
🚩 You start questioning everything. The career you once loved now feels exhausting, and you wonder if it’s even worth it anymore.

And while private practice thrives on hard work, that doesn’t mean it has to come at the expense of everything else in your life.

There’s another way.

The Myth of Loyalty = Security

There’s an unspoken rule in law firms: The harder you work, the more valuable you are.

But let’s be clear—firms don’t reward sacrifice. They reward strategic value.

The associate who works herself into the ground doesn’t get a trophy. She gets replaced.

What most attorneys don’t realize is that firm leadership wants talented attorneys to stay and contribute at their highest level.

But that’s not possible if you’re struggling.

When an associate tenders her resignation out of the blue, the conversations between firm leaders are almost always some version of:

“Wait—did you know she was unhappy?”
“No idea. She never said anything. I thought everything was fine.”

And the reaction that follows is often disappointment, frustration, or regret:

“I wish she had come to us sooner. We might have been able to make this work.”
“Now it’s too late to fix it.”
“She was on track for great things here. I hate that we’re losing her like this.”

When a resignation is tendered, it’s too late.

• Too late for the firm to fix things.
• Too late to use your situation as an opportunity to create positive change for the women coming up behind you.

The Reframe: Your Career is a Business Decision

Think of yourself as a high-value asset, not an employee constantly trying to prove their loyalty.

You wouldn’t advise a client to stay in a bad contract out of loyalty.
So why are you treating your career that way?

Instead of:

🚫 Saying yes to everything because you think it proves commitment.
🚫 Assuming the answer will be no, so why bother even trying?
🚫 Thinking suffering through will eventually “pay off.”

Try This Instead:

Step 1: Get clear on what you need.

• Hop off the hamster wheel and do the self-work.
• What’s really making you unhappy? Is it the hours? The practice area? Lack of clarity about the firm’s expectations?
• Are there specific changes that would make you happy in private practice?

Step 2: Have real conversations—with yourself and your family.

• The people who love you often see things more clearly than you do.
• Ask them: “What do you think I need to be happy?”
• Be open to feedback and willing to rethink what you think you need.

Step 3: Give your firm the right of first refusal to make things better.

• You were happy when you accepted the offer—what’s changed?
• If the firm doesn’t know you’re unhappy, how can they make the necessary adjustments to keep you?
• Isn’t it easier to have a tough conversation with people you know than to start over with strangers at a new firm?

What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Many women attorneys fear that setting boundaries will damage their reputation or cost them opportunities.

But here’s what actually happens when you start advocating for yourself:

• You gain clarity. When you know what you need and why, your decisions become more confident.
• You create a career that works for you. One that gives you longevity in private practice, rather than pushing you to the edge.
• You show others what’s possible. When one woman reclaims control of her career, it creates space for others to do the same.

Your Next Move: Take Back Control

Private practice doesn’t have to be built on sacrifice.

If you want to stay in the profession long-term, you need a career that works for you, not just for your firm.

That starts with a conversation—one that puts YOU back in control.

If you’re ready to explore how you can create a career that works for you without sacrificing everything else in your life, schedule a confidential call with me at a time when you can speak freely at the link at the top of this page.